I’m sorry to have kept you hanging like that, waiting for the last part of this Survivor’s Manifesto-of-Sorts I started writing last June here for all of us to read and remember especially during difficult periods of our lives. I’ve been on one long unplanned Traveling Seeker personal retreat.
I’ve also had a sore throat that turned into a nasty cough, moved back into my childhood home (only temporarily, thank God!), met some really great people (painter Roger Rishab Tibon during cocktails for his first Philippine solo exhibit “Musings”, dancers Mia Cabalfin and Rhosam Villareal Prudenciado, Jr. in the Kinesthetic Calligraphy Workshop they faciliated at the Metropolitan Museum of Manila and the Adobo Connection McKinley Hill Team during one of their serious-but-at-times-wacky team meetings), spent quality time with good friends engineer Sheryll Cordero and writer Jojo Gabuya, kept receiving ideas for refining projects I’m embarking on, experienced some more heartbreaks, celebrated simple joys and just…LIVED.
It’s this natural rhythm that I want to cultivate and move with more in my own life. However, if you’re forgetful, prone to doing too much at times and then breaking down from the weight of the burden you’ve piled on your own shoulders like me, then you need some amount of reminding to help bring you back to your peaceful center.
When you do get knocked down hard, I hope you’ll remember these things and just continue to Move, Create and Love:
6) Learn from everyone & everything and always be grateful. I grew up with Alanis Morissette‘s music. A friend in college named Alon (which means “wave” in Filipino, as in ocean waves) introduced me to her songs through Alanis’ “Jagged Little Pill” album – red hot both in record sales and angry song lyrics in 1995.
I just LOVE how artists like Alanis create work at one period in their life (e.g. “You Learn” from Jagged Little Pill) that is built on, complemented and then even superseded by a later work with a similar theme, (e.g. “Thank U” from her album “Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie”). I see this as evidence of an artist’s meditation on life and personal growth. (When you notice this process in one of your favorite artists, sit up and pay close attention. You’ll learn a LOT from that person!)
In “You Learn”, Alanis Morissette’s young creative persona was pretty much saying with earnestness and urgency, “This is life: You just have to bite the bullet and meet it head-on. You win some, you lose some.”
Ahhh, the sheer hubris of youth! It IS a pretty brash anthem but one that will see you through much of the ebb and flow of life. This is the way this song has been for me since I first heard Alon playing it in the apartment she shared with some of our other friends in college.
You can actually learn a lot from Alanis, your own favorite singer or band, your mother with whom you always argue and just can’t seem to love the way she needs to be loved, your dog, your yoga mat, the posts you see on your facebook timeline…basically anyone and everything!
What’s really more important than the source of your learning is the receptivity of your mind and heart. Keep both open and everyone and everything is your Guru. You will perpetually learn and grow as a human being.
In “Thank U”, Alanis’ older and wiser self was bowing down in humility and giving heartfelt thanks to the Universe for important lessons learned and deep wisdom gained. Below are some of my favorite lyrics from “Thank U”:
How ’bout no longer being masochistic / How ’bout remembering your divinity / How ’bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out / How ’bout not equating death with stopping
The moment I let go of it / was the moment I got more than I could handle / The moment I jumped off of it / Was the moment I touched down
Thank you India / Thank you providence / Thank you disillusionment / Thank you frailty (nothingness) / Thank you clarity / Thank you, thank you silence
If you think THAT’s deep, read Alanis in her own words below as she makes this confession about “Thank U” in VH1 Storytellers (Songfacts.com provide us with this quote):
“I felt I lived in a culture that told me that I had to consistently and constantly look outside myself to feel this elusive bliss. And I achieved a lot of what society told me to achieve and still didn’t feel peaceful. I started questioning everything, and I realized that actually everything was an illusion and it was scary for me because everything I had believed in was dissolving in front of me and there was a death of sorts, a really beautiful one ultimately, but at first a very scary one, and so I stopped.
I stopped for the first time and I was overcome with a huge sense of compassion for myself first, and then naturally translated into my feeling and compassion for everyone around me and a huge amount of gratitude that I had never felt before to this extent. And that’s why I had to write this song, ‘Thank U’, because I had to express how exciting this was and how scary it was and all of these opportunities for us to define who we are.”
I hope these words of Alanis give you a measure of comfort in all the unease of your soul and relief from the heaviness in your heart. Someone’s gone ahead of you and made it through. It’s a sure thing YOU will make it through too.
And you know what’s free and simple and will get you through life’s ups and downs a little bit more easily? Cultivate gratitude. It will help you thrive no matter what life brings you. Arianna Huffington confirms this and so much more in her University of California Berkeley Greater Good article “Can Gratitude help You Thrive?”
You may be asking yourself now how you can learn to be more grateful. Let me share with you this great Gratitude Hack from Oprah: In one of the best episodes of her widely popular daytime talk show, she said to write down on a Gratitude Journal just five things to be grateful for in the morning after one wakes up and five again before one sleeps.
So go ahead, give thanks now for you 1) Making it through the night and waking up today, 2) Breathing, 3) Moving, 4) Thinking and 5) Having your basics needs for food and shelter met. Do remember to give thanks to everyone (e.g. from the crew member of your favorite cafe who more greeted you a warm good morning to an industry contact who connected you to a person or idea you totally needed to proceed with a personally meaningful project) and for Everything. 
Acknowledge the fact that it takes many helping hands to help you survive daily in this world of ours. Remember this every day and make a daily habit of giving thanks for it to the Higher Power you believe in.
Yes, on some days, this list of five things you’re grateful for will seem like Mission Impossible.
But let’s just focus on today and right now, shall we? It’s all that we really have.
(Below, Norwegian pop band D’ Sound gives us a love song for daily life with “My Today”.)
7) Be stubborn about three things: Believing, Loving and Experimenting. I’ve learned something important from experiencing recurring depression and the Buddha: “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The Mind is everything. What we think, we become.”
My own downward spirals into depression happened because of what I was thinking. I had literally made myself ill thinking negatively about myself, my actions, my character, my abilities, etc.
It took me a long time (visits to psychiatrists and counselors included!) and a lot of will power to change and recover, but I found that it was also the quality of my thoughts that would be my salvation.
(I’m sharing with you now this song that never fails to comfort me whenever I’m feeling particularly unloved and lonely. It’s Adele singing “Make You Feel My Love – Live at the Royal Albert Hall for Amy Winehouse, an artist we both admired and related to. Definitely not for the drugs and drama in her life, people – it was her profound talent intimately intertwined with her vulnerability and yearning to be loved that we felt deeply.)
Do you remember actress Sandra Bullock‘s character Sally Owens in the film “Practical Magic” when all she did was sleep the day away and basically let herself go after her husband died? I tumbled into the same icky depths of despair (imagine not bathing for DAYS!). I had to consciously choose to get up from bed every morning and enjoy every day no matter what happened. I had to believe in a Higher Power because I knew and felt I wasn’t in charge of the entire show.
I even had to re-frame my story to be able to move forward. I had to BELIEVE I would get better, that I was indeed enough, worthy, beautiful, creative, loved and good!
I had to re-train my mind and heart to believe and heed these beautiful last few lines of Max Ehrmann‘s Desiderata:
You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should …in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. …Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Lo and behold! After all of these, my healing felt different and…deeper. I was at peace with my place in the world. I had given up all the “running around like a headless chicken” trying to accomplish things and get approval and recognition for these.
I actually don’t know HOW I got to this point of surrender. Maybe it was all my readings on spirituality, the alone time I had put in or me just being literally sick to death of my own bullshit. I can’t really say if it was one thing or the other. Maybe it was ALL of these. Maybe it was the grace of an unexpected yet most welcome softening of my heart.
What I know for sure is that this spirit of letting go is key in genuine recovery from addictive behaviors (e.g. workaholism, substance abuse, food addiction, etc.) and an essential partner to holding on for a person to truly thrive in life.
(Don McLean sings about the vulnerability of highly sensitive persons and the creative life in “Vincent”.)
My prayer is that YOU also find this Peace within you. Don’t bother looking for it outside of you – in your loved ones, career, charitable deeds, etc. You won’t find it “out” there.
Set regular quiet, meditation, prayer or play dates with yourself and you stand a chance of accessing your inner peace again and again and again.
(Do you hear that lovely voice? It’s Karen Carpenter singing “It’s Gonna Take Some Time” – a song composed by Carole King with lyrics by Tony Stern – to cheer us on our path to recovery.)
Right now, you might not be feeling all that good about yourself right now but if you DO want to feel better again, you have to think it, believe it AND do something about it. All the magic starts from this, just like The Philosopher’s Notes‘ host Brian Johnson says in this video about the key principles of The Magic of Thinking Big, a book written by educator and authority on motivation David J. Schwartz:
When you believe and have faith in yourself and a Higher Power (or Purpose), that’s the absolute best time to explore and discover your particular Art (e.g. raising children and helping shape them into happy and healthy adults, leading a company in surpassing its goals or creating something that will change people’s lives for the better) and give your whole self over to it – remember Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED Talk on Success, Failure and the Drive to Keep Creating or #3 (Get Creative) on this list? This passionate and committed life’s work is Love made visible in the world, said the poet Khalil Gibran.
I actually think we human beings have been doing it wrong all this time. Instead of asking people the loaded question “What do you want to become?” from an early age, I think we should instead ask questions like, “What makes you ridiculously happy?”, “What makes you feel really good and genuinely fulfilled?” and “What do you absolutely, truly, madly, deeply love?”
Look back on your own experience: Perhaps the only time you ever stuck it out long enough to see things through to the end was when you were doing something you really, really loved. Even the Bible says pretty much the same thing in 1 Corinthians 13:7: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
What is it YOU love, then? What are YOU passionate about? What makes YOU light up in excitement? For some, it feels easy. Gifted with grace and rhythm, some become dancers. Blessed with great skill for understanding and using numbers and concepts, some become physicists. My own journey of discovering what I love, though – writing, reading, practicing yoga, dancing plus helping and connecting people – was anything BUT easy. 
Neil Gaiman gave the best ever “cheerleader speech” when he said: “Go and make interesting mistakes. Go and make amazing mistakes. Make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for you being here. Make. Good. Art.”
Your own journey of love might take some time and a LOT of experimentation just like mine did. Remember to be patient and to develop confidence in yourself and your creative process. (The cast of the 1980 film “Fame” toast to our creative and eternal self-discovery with “I Sing the Body Electric”.)
9) Travel or just “be” with yourself. Go to your favorite places, e.g. a beach, a mountain, a chapel or a retreat center. Let these spaces have some element of Nature and quality of solitude to be truly healing. (I’ll share some of my own favorite retreats and in succeeding Traveling Seeker posts.)
If you can’t travel to other places at the moment, don’t worry. You can turn inward and just be present with yourself.
Deepak Chopra provides two great reasons for us not to be afraid of solitude in our ultra fast-paced, hyper-connected and incessantly cacophonous world: “To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions.”
It’s funny how a lot of us avoid being alone when it’s precisely in solitude that we are able give ourselves the time, space and courage to accept ourselves and the whole of Life.
Don’t do an about-face when things become difficult and you find yourself feeling all alone. Face your fear and Life head-on, look it in the eye.
Remember this always: “In difficulty lies great opportunity.” Make this your mantra when you’re feeling particularly distressed or pressured.
Then go and walk your difficult path. It’s the only way through to the other side of Redemption Road.
Put your heart and effort into it and your “solo trips” can also be just as beautiful as former dancer turned yoga teacher and Elephant Journal contributor Krista Katrovas‘ in “Alone Time” :
Alone time
is sacred time.
I feel the rhythm of my breath,
the pause residing between thoughts,
where everything slows down
and vibrant colors return.
I no longer live
in hues of black, gray,
and white.
I remember myself,
the self I’ve always known,
even as a child,
while in the peace
of my own company.
Sometimes she hides
behind the hustle, the bustle,
the busy, the grasping,
and it’s sacred alone time
that brings her back out,
as if she hides behind a sycamore,
in nature, with my true nature,
holding the limbs
of the tree as hands
of friends
for comfort.
I beckon her out,
with silence, aloneness,
that is her, my, music.
When she dances,
it serves her, me, us
with opportunity
to simply be,
free,
and we become one,
no longer split, no longer separated
from ourselves.
Of course this journey into the heart of silence means not just leaving the din of human noise but also that of digital static, so go ahead and sign out of your social media accounts and put your mobile communication devices in one corner of your bag or room or on your desk (preferably where it’ll be out of your sight and mind) if you must still keep them on to somehow still receive messages.
(Writer, director and performance artist Gary Turk reminds up to unplug, disengage and LOOK UP from our gadgets so we can finally just goddamn LIVE NOW in the video below.)
10) Choose or Decide, then Act. When in doubt, just put one foot in front of the other. It doesn’t really matter how many procrastination techniques you employ (e.g. surfing the internet, eating your favorite meals or snoozing the alarm for another ten minutes for the nth time). Just do it! Move it! You will never get unstuck and out of the rut you find yourself in if you don’t first help yourself.
OVERCOME challenges then watch yourself BECOME someone truly worthy of respect, admiration and love: a bona fide thriver.
And (as far as you’re concerned at least) it’s all about that really: YOUR process, YOUR journey, YOUR time. You can look to all the great people whom you admire, get their advice, read their books, listen to their audio recordings, attend their workshops, etc., but the truth is, YOUR PATH IS UNIQUE.
Take “The Road Not Taken” just as Robert Frost advised in his poem because THAT is where your salvation lies.
Any other path is just going to be one long useless diversion, perhaps even a dead end. Trust me on this one.
So buck up and chin up!
Remember what Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote in his poem “A Psalm of Life”: “Let us then be up and doing, With a heart for any fate; Still achieving, still pursuing, Learn to labor and to wait.”
Remember that you’re still writing the next chapters of your story and there are truly exciting plot twists up ahead.
Yes, there will be times you’ll feel so inconsolably alone and seemingly the only one awake in your corner of the world.
(Our guru Alanis Morissette reassures us that we ARE and WILL be fine no matter what happens with “Hand in My Pocket”.)
(In case you are hard of hearing or deaf, you can still enjoy this song of Alanis. Play this beautiful Abbey Road Studio video with subtitles of Alanis singing “Hand in My Pocket” with her band.)
But maybe you already DO know and feel it in your bones.
You’d rather be traveling and enjoying every moment on this unfamiliar terrain.
Just keep your eyes peeled, your ears alert, your heart open and your hand ever ready to help. The World and the task at hand may seem daunting but there’s no other way through it all but walking our path.
Yes, the road is long and you can’t see what’s at the end or even just at the bend. Just remember: This is your true path and you must walk it every damn (whoops!) blessed day.
The truth is so many others have gone before you, some are walking with you and many more are waiting for you, cheering you on, comforting and guiding you.
Here, my fellow Traveling Seeker, come take my hand and let’s walk THIS path bravely – together.
(Leaving you all now with A Prayer from Max Ehrmann, a singing telegram from Sara Bareilles who is another kick-ass talented and divine singer-songwriter and a postcript. LET’S BE BRAVE TOGETHER!)
Let me do my work each day; and if the darkened hours of despair overcome me, may I not forget the strength that comforted me in the desolation of other times.
May I still remember the bright hours that found me walking over the silent hills of my childhood, or dreaming on the margin of a quiet river, when a light glowed within me, and I promised my early God to have courage amid the tempests of the changing years.
Spare me from bitterness and from the sharp passions of unguarded moments. May I not forget that poverty and riches are of the spirit. Though the world knows me not, may my thoughts and actions be such as shall keep me friendly with myself.
Lift up my eyes from the earth, and let me not forget the uses of the stars. Forbid that I should judge others lest I condemn myself. Let me not follow the clamor of the world, but walk calmly in my path.
Give me a few friends who will love me for what I am; and keep ever burning before my vagrant steps the kindly light of hope. And though age and infirmity overtake me, and come not within sight of the castle of my dreams, teach me still to be thankful for life, and for time’s olden memories that are good and sweet; and may the evening’s twilight find me gentle still.
P.S.: 
Traveling Seeker 